A Sticky Situation

**b.vicious** · Joined: 29 Jun 2007 Posts: 2075 Location: Internet

Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have a problem (not looking for relationship advice, keep reading), I've never been involved in anything like this and I am looking to just get opinions/advice etc. A bit of background, I'm 21, she's 17 (age of consent), we've been dating for 7 months now. Okay, here's the problem ... her mother. She is an overprotective, irrational, disrespectful, manipulative, lazy, and most importantly, abusive mother. Today marks the 5th time I've gone to pick my girlfriend up from her house, and she's in tears because her mother beat the shit out of her. It's getting progressively worse, as today was the first time I saw legit. marks on her. The mother also did it in front of other family members. Now I know what you're thinking, call social services. My girlfriend's step dad is a cop, and the mother abuses his power to get what she wants. (Yes it pisses me off too that he doesn't step in and stop her from abusing my gf). She has told me to my face, "call social services, she'll be sent right back here where she'll get punished even more". My girlfriend turns 18 in July and would like absolutely NOTHING more than to get out of the hell that she calls "home". My girlfriend is supposed to go to the community college a half hour away. She wanted to dorm there ... the mother said no, because "I'm your mother and what I say goes". Not a real reason like "We can't afford it" (which would be horse shit, because both parents get 6 figures). We're also thinking that when she turns 18 to get an apartment. Problem is if she moves out, her mom may stop paying for everything, which would also eliminate any insurance she may have as well as not paying for college. So it's just, my girlfriend doesn't deserve to keep living in the house and getting abused. It's hard to get her a decent job that would help pay (at least part of) an appt. since she's still 17.

I'm really trying to just think of a way where we can get her out of there, and still find a way to at least get some financial help towards college and possibly the appt. This is a situation that I've never experienced before, so I was wondering if anyone had any similar situations or could provide some insight. I'm gonna go ahead and say there's probably more details that I could add, but I tried to keep this straight to the point for everyone.
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**RLKDragon** · Joined: 06 Jun 2007 Posts: 2253 Location: Chicago, IL

Is there any way she could live at your house, or would "Crazy bitch" mother come looking for her there?

**b.vicious** · Joined: 29 Jun 2007 Posts: 2075 Location: Internet

**RLKDragon** · Joined: 06 Jun 2007 Posts: 2253 Location: Chicago, IL

As a last resort for college, she could always take the loan route. But everything you said points to she needs to leave, and fast. The sooner you hook her up with an apartment (and possibly a job if she doesn't have one), the better for you both.

**krisdaschwab912** · Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 6567 Location: UW-Eau Claire

**dragoninforcer** · Joined: 10 Dec 2007 Posts: 1457 Location: Long Island

I don't think a local cop can control things like this.

Honestly, I would call social services, but considering the predicament you're in, I don't really know. Its impossible to reason with a crazy bitch :/

**bclare** · Joined: 21 Jun 2008 Posts: 6048 Location: Boston

**b.vicious** · Joined: 29 Jun 2007 Posts: 2075 Location: Internet

Well apparently her mom apologized today, and by apologized, I was told she cried for two hours and apologizing. I was at work while this happened so from the brief things I was told, she apologized, admitted she was wrong, admitted that she has an anger management problem, and promised to start treating my gf like an adult. Personally, I don't believe it. I have about as much faith in it of the bills going to the playoffs next year, which is, it's possible, but I really don't see it happening. This was the first time I was told that she had apologized so, maybe that's a plus side? I don't know. I'll just have to play it by ear for now and I'll update with more when more stuff happens.
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**RLKDragon** · Joined: 06 Jun 2007 Posts: 2253 Location: Chicago, IL

Take it with a grain of salt. Her mom may just go back to the old ways, so always be on the lookout.

**Nubnut** · Joined: 07 Jun 2008 Posts: 2078 Location: Denver, CO

Definitely agree with RLK, more than likely she'll slip into her old ways again. Acknowledging that she has control and anger management issues but not doing anything more than saying "I won't do it again" works about as well as throwing a paper towel over a fire.

And even if she does miraculously change her ways I'd still suggest doing everything in your power to try moving her out of there over time, she doesn't need to be in that environment.
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**FL4RE** · Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 4178 Location: Liverpool yano

She'll slip back. People do not change who they are just like that.
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**Josseppe95** · Joined: 09 Jun 2008 Posts: 1045 Location: Philadelphia

Have you tried talking to the mother one on one about this? That may help something. But yeah I'll echo everyone else in that, while her apology may be sincere, it doesn't change what she's done.
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**b.vicious** · Joined: 29 Jun 2007 Posts: 2075 Location: Internet

Well here's an update.

Today her parents surprised her with a PS3 and Skyrim, and also bought her little sister an Ipod 4.

To me, this feels like they're trying to buy her love, she kinda suspects that as well. Also we're both kind of annoyed that they can just kinda shell out money randomly for those kinds of things, but "can't afford for her to live 30 minutes away at college".

Those are just my thoughts.
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**Sarg338** · Joined: 07 Feb 2008 Posts: 5143

**Nubnut** · Joined: 07 Jun 2008 Posts: 2078 Location: Denver, CO