Roommate Issue

**ZEFFER13** · Joined: 05 Jun 2007 Posts: 1515 Location: Chicago, IL

I kind of rant a bit about background info, skip to fourth paragraph to get to the meat of the issue.

I'm now a freshman in college and I'm having some roommate issues. My roommate is a high school friend and I have been good friends with him since junior year of high school. We both chose to attend the same college on our own and when we discovered we were attending the same school we chose to room together.

First semester was great. No issues about anything and our friendship was as strong as ever. Just before winter break he began a relationship with a girl also attending our school. I noticed some changes in him because of this but figured he would get tired of seeing her after the first month or so. (this is his first real relationship)

After coming back over winter break (we hadn't seen each other over break) he was still with this girl but she was not attending the university because of money issues. After the first week of her being gone he reverted to his old self and I, along with our mutual friends, thought he was back to normal. Well, she sorted her money issues out and returned during the first week of classes. He promised not to jeopardize our friendship over her. That was a week ago.

Now he has returned to obsession mode and spends every second he can with her and when he can't physically be with her he is texting her 24/7. He is also now asking for more time in the room alone with her. Our schedules are almost 100% staggered. He has classes in the morning (and so does she) and mine are in the afternoon/evening. This schedule gives them at minimum 1 1/2 hours on M&W and 3 hours on T&Th of time in the room alone. Plus I go back home every other weekend which gives them another 8 to 24 hours on the weekend, frequently overnight. On top of that is all the time I spend hanging out elsewhere on campus.

Yesterday he told me he wants more time with me out of the room. He wants at least 3 consecutive hours each week at any time and any day he chooses during the week. (At least 12 hour notice) In return he says he will do the same for me but I don't need the room to myself that much especially considering the time I already get because of our staggered class schedules.

I responded that I have every right to be in my room whenever I want for as long as I want and it's not my job to get out when he wants the room, especially when he is already supplied sufficient time alone to take care of business. I will respect his privacy if I come back to a sock on the doorknob, but I won't get out of the room on command.

He insists he is entitled to kick me out when he wants if I have nothing that requires I be in the room and I am given sufficient notice.

Feedback is very appreciated. Do you think he should be able to kick me out whenever he wants once a week for 3 or more hours? Am I being inconsiderate by denying him this additional alone time?

Also I should mention his girlfriend's roommate is frequently kicked out and has recently started refusing (some but not all) their requests to have her room to themselves.

EDIT: They have tried to be in her room but the same problem exists there. Her roommate doesn't like being kicked out just as much as I don't like it. In his words, he thinks it would be more fair if they spent an equal amount of time alone in her room as they spend in ours, so they have to kick me out to be fair.

I have pondered going to the RA but I would rather not. I'm not going to be honoring his request to have the room on his terms so if he finds that to be an issue worth getting an RA involved then the RA will only agree with me that we have shared use of the room and I can be in the room 24/7 if I please.
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**Sarg338** · Joined: 07 Feb 2008 Posts: 5143

Tell him to go fuck himself. Your paying as much as he is for the room.

If he tries, punch him in the dick.
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**DESMO56** · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:38 am Post subject:

**MSH-Hitman** · Joined: 27 Aug 2007 Posts: 4481 Location: Florida

You can be nice once in awhile, but he has no reason to be kicking you out at anytime. That's just a douche thing to do. It sounds like you give him plenty of time and if they can't work with that time right now, it's their problem.

**newuser1234** · Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 1273

**GuitarHailz** · Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 4910 Location: Austin, Texas

If the girlfriend's roommate can demand half of the room time then so can you. After that shit, if I were you I'd want to troll the guy and stay in the room as much as possible when I'm not in class.

For a serious answer though, I hate to be the boring tattle-tale type, but you should probably go to your RA about it if you're having roommate troubles that involve keeping you out of your room. Especially with your roommate staying with his girlfriend in the room overnight, which is probably against some rule anyway, so your friend really has no leverage here to argue with your threat.

This is why I honestly recommend to college-bound people: Never room with people you were friends with before college. Something will happen and you'll start to hate each other. Seriously, I have never once heard of high school friends-turned-roommates remaining friends after college. And if at all possible, try to get an off-campus apartment where everybody has their own bedroom. Problem solved (and in my case, it was cheaper too...). Twice the sexytimes for half the price! Now that's a good sell.

Edit: Sock on the doorknob? Is that the universal Do Not Disturb sign now? Oh how things change...
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**Davers** · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 5:14 am Post subject:

Why can't he spend time at her place? If you are both paying equal amounts for the room, then he has no right or say in what you can do there. Matter of fact, you could stay in the room 24/7 and there isn't a thing he could do about it. But since you are respecting his time alone with his girlfriend, it's only natural for a good friend to do what you have done. He's overstepping his bounds for sure.

Being that this is his first relationship, he's bound to be a little enthusiastic about the whole thing and probably doesn't realize the demands he's putting on you. It might be best, and this comes from experience, that you move out to save the friendship. It's easier if you decide to do the moving rather than argue with him to move out if you are afraid he wouldn't take the news with any type of understanding. But being that you are being respectful to his wishes and time, he needs to do the same with you. Otherwise, he's just being a selfish douche.

I would definitely try to at least sit down - maybe over lunch - and work on some type of schedule you can both agree on. He doesn't need to spend the entire amount of time at your place. I'm sure she has a room somewhere too.

**microgamer2vs2** · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 5:16 am Post subject:

If this is a dorm, just tell your RA about it. Ultimately, you guys share a room, no one has the right to kick out the other on the basis of wanting the room for his own purposes. If anything, you have the right to kick him out because he's trying to be so selfish.

**Vampyromaniac** · Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 1216

Whenever he asks you to leave, immediately start fapping. Stare into his eyes. In time, he'll learn better.
Hopefully.

EDIT: Pieman says: "What a pushy fucking knob. The only acceptable answer is NO. If he persists, jizz in his textbooks."
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[/u]

**bclare** · Joined: 21 Jun 2008 Posts: 6048 Location: Boston

**NavyCherub** · Joined: 28 May 2008 Posts: 3396

**ZEFFER13** · Joined: 05 Jun 2007 Posts: 1515 Location: Chicago, IL

**HellAshes** · Joined: 06 Apr 2006 Posts: 8321 Location: Livingston, NY

**Davers** · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 5:54 am Post subject:

**SDoner8790** · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 6:18 am Post subject:

Seduce the girlfriends roommate. Get her to love you, and then both happy couples can fuck in peace.
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