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NudePanda
Joined: 18 Jun 2009
Posts: 117
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 Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:22 am Post subject: |
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Fuck love.
Seriously, fuck it. I was dumb enough to crush over a friend in my class that's been dating a guy for a year and a half. Well this crush eventually turned into love. This may sound a bit cheesy, but I was literally falling for her. We would talk quite a bit during class, but the thing is, that she would flirt with me all the time. One time she basically said that she didn't want to be in the relationship she was in and she liked me. (Side note: I've known her for 3 or 4 years now and we've been decent friends, but she liked me before, when I really didn't) So summer came and for a week, we didn't talk at all. Whenever I tried to start a conversation, she would just say "ya lol" or something along the lines of that. At this point, I sorta sensed that she didn't like me anymore and just wanted to be friends, until she texted me yesterday asking a question. I answered it and we began talking quite a bit, just about random things. She stops texting back at around 12 or so at night, so I just figure that she fell asleep or something. Well she texts me back in the mourning, and says she was on the phone for along time with her boyfriend, and that she broke up with him. I was surprised, and we started talking about why. She said that she was sort of sick of him and that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Before that, I was hoping for the best, but when I read that, I lost hope of anything between us.
There's a few more details I left out, but that's the jist of it. And seriously, fuck love. |
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Ontwikseltsaar
Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Posts: 1586
Location: Leiden, The Netherlands
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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| NudePanda wrote: | Fuck love.
Seriously, fuck it. I was dumb enough to crush over a friend in my class that's been dating a guy for a year and a half. Well this crush eventually turned into love. This may sound a bit cheesy, but I was literally falling for her. We would talk quite a bit during class, but the thing is, that she would flirt with me all the time. One time she basically said that she didn't want to be in the relationship she was in and she liked me. (Side note: I've known her for 3 or 4 years now and we've been decent friends, but she liked me before, when I really didn't) So summer came and for a week, we didn't talk at all. Whenever I tried to start a conversation, she would just say "ya lol" or something along the lines of that. At this point, I sorta sensed that she didn't like me anymore and just wanted to be friends, until she texted me yesterday asking a question. I answered it and we began talking quite a bit, just about random things. She stops texting back at around 12 or so at night, so I just figure that she fell asleep or something. Well she texts me back in the mourning, and says she was on the phone for along time with her boyfriend, and that she broke up with him. I was surprised, and we started talking about why. She said that she was sort of sick of him and that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Before that, I was hoping for the best, but when I read that, I lost hope of anything between us.
There's a few more details I left out, but that's the jist of it. And seriously, fuck love. |
@ bolded part: care to elaborate? 
@ the rest, dude, that sounds really hopeful. I've been there (more or less... more "more" than less, though  ) and it all worked out fine. Just wait a little while, until she's ready to be in a relationship again... can you do that?  In the meantime, maybe you can subtly let her know that you're not like her old boyfriend (although she should know, you've known her for a while) |
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Vampyromaniac
Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 1216
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Yewb 
Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 3020
Location: Plymouth, UK
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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Gonna throw my hat in the ring and say that I've been in that position exactly once and it didn't work out at all; well, not in the way I was hoping at the time - but she's now my best friend, and with a really great guy But yeah, don't take owt for granted and, like V said, Ont's advice is pretty good.
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| expertwin wrote: | | ShadoWolf wrote: | | expertwin wrote: | | I just want to, you know, get my name out there. BTW, it updates every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Was just the first two, decided to do Saturdays as well. |
Serious advice now: No-one likes indecision in their work, so find what you like that you're even remotely good at, and stick with it. Don't flit from one thing to another, because that just smacks of a large lack of determination and drive. And people don't like you for that, and won't remember you for it. I mean, I get that you have a plucky spirit and a willingness to try new things, but there's a limit, man. |
I might knock it down to just Thursday and Friday. |
| JOE2210 wrote: | | Leave me alone, I have been drinking and your made up words mean nothing to me. |
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NudePanda
Joined: 18 Jun 2009
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:16 am Post subject: |
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| Ontwikseltsaar wrote: | | NudePanda wrote: | Fuck love.
Seriously, fuck it. I was dumb enough to crush over a friend in my class that's been dating a guy for a year and a half. Well this crush eventually turned into love. This may sound a bit cheesy, but I was literally falling for her. We would talk quite a bit during class, but the thing is, that she would flirt with me all the time. One time she basically said that she didn't want to be in the relationship she was in and she liked me. (Side note: I've known her for 3 or 4 years now and we've been decent friends, but she liked me before, when I really didn't) So summer came and for a week, we didn't talk at all. Whenever I tried to start a conversation, she would just say "ya lol" or something along the lines of that. At this point, I sorta sensed that she didn't like me anymore and just wanted to be friends, until she texted me yesterday asking a question. I answered it and we began talking quite a bit, just about random things. She stops texting back at around 12 or so at night, so I just figure that she fell asleep or something. Well she texts me back in the mourning, and says she was on the phone for along time with her boyfriend, and that she broke up with him. I was surprised, and we started talking about why. She said that she was sort of sick of him and that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Before that, I was hoping for the best, but when I read that, I lost hope of anything between us.
There's a few more details I left out, but that's the jist of it. And seriously, fuck love. |
@ bolded part: care to elaborate?
@ the rest, dude, that sounds really hopeful. I've been there (more or less... more "more" than less, though ) and it all worked out fine. Just wait a little while, until she's ready to be in a relationship again... can you do that? In the meantime, maybe you can subtly let her know that you're not like her old boyfriend (although she should know, you've known her for a while) |
Alright, maybe I wasn't literally falling for her, but you know what I mean :p
And I wouldn't say i'm in a good position, more of a weird position. She never starts the conversations (for the most part) and it just seems like she isn't interested in talking with my anymore. I dunno, it sucks. |
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NudePanda
Joined: 18 Jun 2009
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:17 am Post subject: |
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| Ontwikseltsaar wrote: | | NudePanda wrote: | Fuck love.
Seriously, fuck it. I was dumb enough to crush over a friend in my class that's been dating a guy for a year and a half. Well this crush eventually turned into love. This may sound a bit cheesy, but I was literally falling for her. We would talk quite a bit during class, but the thing is, that she would flirt with me all the time. One time she basically said that she didn't want to be in the relationship she was in and she liked me. (Side note: I've known her for 3 or 4 years now and we've been decent friends, but she liked me before, when I really didn't) So summer came and for a week, we didn't talk at all. Whenever I tried to start a conversation, she would just say "ya lol" or something along the lines of that. At this point, I sorta sensed that she didn't like me anymore and just wanted to be friends, until she texted me yesterday asking a question. I answered it and we began talking quite a bit, just about random things. She stops texting back at around 12 or so at night, so I just figure that she fell asleep or something. Well she texts me back in the mourning, and says she was on the phone for along time with her boyfriend, and that she broke up with him. I was surprised, and we started talking about why. She said that she was sort of sick of him and that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Before that, I was hoping for the best, but when I read that, I lost hope of anything between us.
There's a few more details I left out, but that's the jist of it. And seriously, fuck love. |
@ bolded part: care to elaborate?
@ the rest, dude, that sounds really hopeful. I've been there (more or less... more "more" than less, though ) and it all worked out fine. Just wait a little while, until she's ready to be in a relationship again... can you do that? In the meantime, maybe you can subtly let her know that you're not like her old boyfriend (although she should know, you've known her for a while) |
Alright, maybe I wasn't literally falling for her, but you know what I mean :p
And I wouldn't say i'm in a good position, more of a weird position. She never starts the conversations (for the most part) and it just seems like she isn't interested in talking with my anymore. I dunno, it sucks. |
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Ontwikseltsaar
Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Posts: 1586
Location: Leiden, The Netherlands
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 8:19 am Post subject: |
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| NudePanda wrote: | | And I wouldn't say i'm in a good position, more of a weird position. She never starts the conversations (for the most part) and it just seems like she isn't interested in talking with my anymore. I dunno, it sucks. |
Then I guess it's up to you how your relationship with her progresses. I'd suggest simply keeping in touch with her, trying to have fun with her again. I don't know if there's much else you can do. (As a sidenote: to me it always sounds like a straight up confrontation would work well in these kinds of situations, to get issues out in the open and things cleared up. However, I realize that it doesn't always work out for the best in practice...) |
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NudePanda
Joined: 18 Jun 2009
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 9:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Well I finally asked the girl in my last post out to a dinner or movie. She said as friends, and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. It sucks hearing that, but I respect it, and hopefully as time moves on and we hang out more she changes her mind. |
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bclare
Joined: 21 Jun 2008
Posts: 6048
Location: Boston
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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| NudePanda wrote: | | It sucks hearing that, but I respect it, and hopefully as time moves on and we hang out more she changes her mind. |
I won't go apeshit about this like some people would (not people here, more like tumblr) but if you're waiting on her to change her mind that sort of sounds like you don't respect the decision. Maybe she will change her mind, maybe she won't, but you need to be aware that wanting her to change her mind isn't necessarily a good strategy for you.
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NudePanda
Joined: 18 Jun 2009
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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| bclare wrote: | | NudePanda wrote: | | It sucks hearing that, but I respect it, and hopefully as time moves on and we hang out more she changes her mind. |
I won't go apeshit about this like some people would (not people here, more like tumblr) but if you're waiting on her to change her mind that sort of sounds like you don't respect the decision. Maybe she will change her mind, maybe she won't, but you need to be aware that wanting her to change her mind isn't necessarily a good strategy for you. |
Ok, let me rephrase that; the heartbroken me HOPES she changes her mind. I know it probably won't, and i'm not going to push it at all. I just hope we stay good friends. |
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ShadoWolf
Joined: 21 Jul 2008
Posts: 2034
Location: Slough, England
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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| NudePanda wrote: | | I just hope we stay good friends. |
Yeah this isn't healthy for you at all
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  | PiemanLK wrote: | | Look, someone actually had to point out that singing "solo" meant singing alone. This is why we allow people to work registers at McDonald's that can't make change and it makes me want to run my face under a belt sander. For the love of tits, how can you be on the internet in 2012 and not think "maybe I can Google this word I should have learned in first grade before making a thread about it". |
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singemfrc 
Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 4407
Location: California
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 3:48 am Post subject: |
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| NudePanda wrote: | | Well I finally asked the girl in my last post out to a dinner or movie. She said as friends, and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. It sucks hearing that, but I respect it, and hopefully as time moves on and we hang out more she changes her mind. |
Then I'd say "Great, I hope you brought your wallet, friend."
And yeah unfortunately, "I dont want to be in a relationship with you right now" is never 100% truth, that usually translates to "I don't want to be in a relationship with you, but I'm not willing to say so."
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PSN: singemfrc
Twitch: singemfrcps |
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GuitarHailz
Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 4910
Location: Austin, Texas
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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| ShadoWolf wrote: | | NudePanda wrote: | | I just hope we stay good friends. |
Yeah this isn't healthy for you at all |
Why?
Why does that HAVE to be the case? Granted I don't know anything about the situation beyond what's been said, but IMO it's a sign of maturity to take a reasonable rejection in stride and maintain a friendly relationship. IMO in life it is almost never beneficial to burn bridges so I don't know why so many people treat it like it's the only option. Being like "best friends ever" and hoping she will change her mind is unhealthy, yeah, but being friends is only unhealthy if you make it that way. I've lost male friends before because they were unable to just let it go and continue being friends. And if I avoided every male friend I liked after finding out they didn't feel the same I'd have lost some great friends as well. That's heartbreaking shit when you think you had a great friendship going and it can so easily be cut off because the other person didn't get what they wanted out of it.  How contrived, selfish and horrible - can you see why I have issue with this friendzone BS people are always talking about? 
I don't mean to pick on you ShadoWolf, but almost all the time I will see guys saying "you can't have close female friends because it's unhealthy for you." Is it really impossible for so many people to have friends of the opposite sex that they don't hope to date/etc?
@NudePanda: Rejecting someone IS hard, so I agree with singe that "Let's just be friends" can mean a nicer way of saying "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." However, I don't think she would accept your offer to go to the movies if she didn't like you as a friend. She would probably have come up with some excuse for why she couldn't go and just avoid saying no outright (that's what I would do anyway, for what it's worth... not saying it's the best way to handle things, but if she is a nice person she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings! ...some guys take rejection pretty badly...  ). Don't get your hopes up if you're gonna stay friends, but if you respect your friendship with her it's not beneficial to anyone to just completely end it. One of the worst things in life can be losing a friend...
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ShadoWolf
Joined: 21 Jul 2008
Posts: 2034
Location: Slough, England
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| Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:07 am Post subject: |
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| GuitarHailz wrote: | | Being like "best friends ever" and hoping she will change her mind is unhealthy, yeah, but being friends is only unhealthy if you make it that way. |
Yeah, this is pretty much the point I was aiming for. I just think it'll be healthier to get some space from the friendship, at least in the short term.
_________________
| PiemanLK wrote: | | Look, someone actually had to point out that singing "solo" meant singing alone. This is why we allow people to work registers at McDonald's that can't make change and it makes me want to run my face under a belt sander. For the love of tits, how can you be on the internet in 2012 and not think "maybe I can Google this word I should have learned in first grade before making a thread about it". |
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singemfrc
Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 4407
Location: California
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| Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 4:57 am Post subject: |
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| GuitarHailz wrote: | Why does that HAVE to be the case? Granted I don't know anything about the situation beyond what's been said, but IMO it's a sign of maturity to take a reasonable rejection in stride and maintain a friendly relationship. IMO in life it is almost never beneficial to burn bridges so I don't know why so many people treat it like it's the only option. Being like "best friends ever" and hoping she will change her mind is unhealthy, yeah, but being friends is only unhealthy if you make it that way. I've lost male friends before because they were unable to just let it go and continue being friends. And if I avoided every male friend I liked after finding out they didn't feel the same I'd have lost some great friends as well. That's heartbreaking shit when you think you had a great friendship going and it can so easily be cut off because the other person didn't get what they wanted out of it. How contrived, selfish and horrible - can you see why I have issue with this friendzone BS people are always talking about?
I don't mean to pick on you ShadoWolf, but almost all the time I will see guys saying "you can't have close female friends because it's unhealthy for you." Is it really impossible for so many people to have friends of the opposite sex that they don't hope to date/etc?
@NudePanda: Rejecting someone IS hard, so I agree with singe that "Let's just be friends" can mean a nicer way of saying "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." However, I don't think she would accept your offer to go to the movies if she didn't like you as a friend. She would probably have come up with some excuse for why she couldn't go and just avoid saying no outright (that's what I would do anyway, for what it's worth... not saying it's the best way to handle things, but if she is a nice person she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings! ...some guys take rejection pretty badly... ). Don't get your hopes up if you're gonna stay friends, but if you respect your friendship with her it's not beneficial to anyone to just completely end it. One of the worst things in life can be losing a friend... |
It's not IMpossible, but it's almost always more rare than you think. Something I've learned in the last 20 years (first person and third person experience) is that almost all of the time in a male/female friendship one of the two people wants a relationship and can't have it, so is settling for a friendship and/or hoping that they other person will "come around" which almost never happens.
I heard Mike Catherwood the other day say that the only women he is friends with that he doesn't have a desire to sleep with or be in a relationship with are family members and girlfriends/wives of his friends..I find that to be pretty accurate for me too.
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PSN: singemfrc
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