The Friend Zone

[GuitarHailz]

I think the important distinction between what happened to you and what happens to a lot of guys who complain about the "friend zone" is the fact that you made your interests known from pretty much the beginning. It's often waiting too long to indicate interest that screws a lot of guys over.

It was pretty shitty of her to keep cuddling and wanting to be close you to if she didn't have any plans to date you. Classic example of actual manipulation, not the typical "this girl doesn't like me, what a bitch!" reaction you see on the internet with angry guys who really misuse the term Friend Zone. Maybe I'm being too hard on her, sometimes women just straight up change their minds (considering the fact that she told you she was interested in dating you before, hard to know if she was sincere or trying to say something nice), but leading you on like that was a pretty mean thing to do either way. At the same time it's a slippery slope, women are brought up to be all super nicey-nice and not to let a guy down harshly, so the "just be friends" thing is, to us, the nicest possible thing we can offer without souring the friendship (but some guys will get angry when they don't get what they want no matter what is said, which also sucks). Unfortunately a lot of guys resent this and see it as just as an excuse, which is sometimes the case, but more often than not it's just what we're told to say and some sincerely want to be friends...

It sounds like there's nothing you could have done to change what happened. You didn't "let it get to that stage" by respecting her boundaries when she said she didn't want to date yet. Probably would have been much worse to try and be super pushy about dating her, so it was just a bad situation. Sorry to hear about it man.
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[GuitarHailz]

I think the important distinction between what happened to you and what happens to a lot of guys who complain about the "friend zone" is the fact that you made your interests known from pretty much the beginning. It's often waiting too long to indicate interest that screws a lot of guys over.

It was pretty shitty of her to keep cuddling and wanting to be close you to if she didn't have any plans to date you. Classic example of actual manipulation, not the typical "this girl doesn't like me, what a bitch!" reaction you see on the internet with angry guys who really misuse the term Friend Zone. Maybe I'm being too hard on her, sometimes women just straight up change their minds (considering the fact that she told you she was interested in dating you before, hard to know if she was sincere or trying to say something nice), but leading you on like that was a pretty mean thing to do either way. At the same time it's a slippery slope, women are brought up to be all super nicey-nice and not to let a guy down harshly, so the "just be friends" thing is, to us, the nicest possible thing we can offer without souring the friendship (but some guys will get angry when they don't get what they want no matter what is said, which also sucks). Unfortunately a lot of guys resent this and see it as just as an excuse, which is sometimes the case, but more often than not it's just what we're told to say and some sincerely want to be friends...

It sounds like there's nothing you could have done to change what happened. You didn't "let it get to that stage" by respecting her boundaries when she said she didn't want to date yet. Probably would have been much worse to try and be super pushy about dating her, so it was just a bad situation. Sorry to hear about it man.
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[Anthony8]

Being Hispanic has really hurt my chances of successfully being in a relationship. Women are monsters.

[Anthony8]

Being Hispanic has really hurt my chances of successfully being in a relationship. Women are monsters.

[Yewb]

They absolutely aren't; post-pubescent girls are, though
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expertwin wrote:

ShadoWolf wrote: expertwin wrote: I just want to, you know, get my name out there. BTW, it updates every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Was just the first two, decided to do Saturdays as well. Serious advice now: No-one likes indecision in their work, so find what you like that you're even remotely good at, and stick with it. Don't flit from one thing to another, because that just smacks of a large lack of determination and drive. And people don't like you for that, and won't remember you for it. I mean, I get that you have a plucky spirit and a willingness to try new things, but there's a limit, man. I might knock it down to just Thursday and Friday.

JOE2210 wrote:

Leave me alone, I have been drinking and your made up words mean nothing to me.

[Yewb]

They absolutely aren't; post-pubescent girls are, though
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expertwin wrote:

ShadoWolf wrote: expertwin wrote: I just want to, you know, get my name out there. BTW, it updates every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Was just the first two, decided to do Saturdays as well. Serious advice now: No-one likes indecision in their work, so find what you like that you're even remotely good at, and stick with it. Don't flit from one thing to another, because that just smacks of a large lack of determination and drive. And people don't like you for that, and won't remember you for it. I mean, I get that you have a plucky spirit and a willingness to try new things, but there's a limit, man. I might knock it down to just Thursday and Friday.

JOE2210 wrote:

Leave me alone, I have been drinking and your made up words mean nothing to me.

[TheLonging]

[TheLonging]

[PiemanLK]

Psst women date mexicans all the time

Just not you

I wonder why
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[quote=''Otend'']Id come up with a long post, but Pieman said what we are all thinking, as usual[/quote]
[quote=''youhas'']EDIT TO ADD: Hey, post #3000! Neat! I will eagerly anticipate my set of ScoreHero-branded steak knives within six to eight weeks.[/quote]

[PiemanLK]

Psst women date mexicans all the time

Just not you

I wonder why
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[quote=''Otend'']Id come up with a long post, but Pieman said what we are all thinking, as usual[/quote]
[quote=''youhas'']EDIT TO ADD: Hey, post #3000! Neat! I will eagerly anticipate my set of ScoreHero-branded steak knives within six to eight weeks.[/quote]

[youhas]

[youhas]

[Davers]

Thanks for the support everyone! Well, it just ended up getting worse. I talked with her best friend who said it looks like she has intentions of actually dating this other guy. That stung quite a bit to hear. When I asked why she went with him instead of me, I was told "She has really low self-esteem and the attention you give her is more than she is use to. She has to go for guys who ignore her mostly". This doesn't make any sense to me, but whatever. I mean, I guess it's true in her case since her last boyfriend treated her like this and the current "new interest" is already treating her like this.

So I've been bitter for about 5 days. I deleted her number from my phone as to not be tempted to call or text since I needed time to think. Finally decided that being bitter sucked and I would much rather just at least be friends (even though it might be awkward for a while). I reactivated my FB (which has been de-activated for a few weeks) and sent her a message. She ended up texting me back and we are going to have a face to face talk on Wednesday about it all just to clear the air.

So am I happy? No. I'm still very much hurt and disappointed. I hate that I put my emotions out there for someone like that and then it end up like it did. I really don't share my emotions with people unless I'm 100% sure about something. Obviously being led on made me think I was sure, so it's incredibly embarrassing for me right now.

I will say, I feel better. I don't feel the same bitterness now that I've at least made contact with her and let her know I still do desire to be friends. I didn't want my bitterness to ruin that for us. But as far as second chances go, this one probably won't get one. Not saying that to be mean, I was just way too hurt by the dishonesty behind her motives and words.

EDIT: This is a situation in where I feel the "nice guy finishes last" is relevant. Seriously, I respected and gave her time. I didn't put on any moves but still gave her the attention I thought she needed. Yet, instead of going with someone who genuinely cares about her, she goes with a guy that doesn't give her the time of day really. It's a shame and I really don't understand this behavior. What makes a woman attracted to douche bags - if I might so willing use that phrase? Since when did women forget about chivalry? They say chivalry is dead. But it isn't because guys don't have it, it's because some women have killed it off. Sorry if this blunt or offensive to our lady friends on here (Hailz). I'm not trying to sound mean, but more or less concerned and curious as to the thought process going on.

[Davers]

Thanks for the support everyone! Well, it just ended up getting worse. I talked with her best friend who said it looks like she has intentions of actually dating this other guy. That stung quite a bit to hear. When I asked why she went with him instead of me, I was told "She has really low self-esteem and the attention you give her is more than she is use to. She has to go for guys who ignore her mostly". This doesn't make any sense to me, but whatever. I mean, I guess it's true in her case since her last boyfriend treated her like this and the current "new interest" is already treating her like this.

So I've been bitter for about 5 days. I deleted her number from my phone as to not be tempted to call or text since I needed time to think. Finally decided that being bitter sucked and I would much rather just at least be friends (even though it might be awkward for a while). I reactivated my FB (which has been de-activated for a few weeks) and sent her a message. She ended up texting me back and we are going to have a face to face talk on Wednesday about it all just to clear the air.

So am I happy? No. I'm still very much hurt and disappointed. I hate that I put my emotions out there for someone like that and then it end up like it did. I really don't share my emotions with people unless I'm 100% sure about something. Obviously being led on made me think I was sure, so it's incredibly embarrassing for me right now.

I will say, I feel better. I don't feel the same bitterness now that I've at least made contact with her and let her know I still do desire to be friends. I didn't want my bitterness to ruin that for us. But as far as second chances go, this one probably won't get one. Not saying that to be mean, I was just way too hurt by the dishonesty behind her motives and words.

EDIT: This is a situation in where I feel the "nice guy finishes last" is relevant. Seriously, I respected and gave her time. I didn't put on any moves but still gave her the attention I thought she needed. Yet, instead of going with someone who genuinely cares about her, she goes with a guy that doesn't give her the time of day really. It's a shame and I really don't understand this behavior. What makes a woman attracted to douche bags - if I might so willing use that phrase? Since when did women forget about chivalry? They say chivalry is dead. But it isn't because guys don't have it, it's because some women have killed it off. Sorry if this blunt or offensive to our lady friends on here (Hailz). I'm not trying to sound mean, but more or less concerned and curious as to the thought process going on.

[Anthony8]

I came on way too strong on my last post, sorry. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems as though girls would rather go out with someone white or overly confident about themselves. Another thing I will add is that it's normal for me to date girls that aren't of my race. It's not because I don't want to, but rather that I want to share my culture with someone of a different race to identify similarities that can possibly make a connection between us. Someone's gotta break the barrier ;p.

I'm an introvert and my first impressions aren't the best. This has caused me to be another person that belongs in the friend zone to most girls, or someone that they don't know at all.

[Anthony8]

I came on way too strong on my last post, sorry. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems as though girls would rather go out with someone white or overly confident about themselves. Another thing I will add is that it's normal for me to date girls that aren't of my race. It's not because I don't want to, but rather that I want to share my culture with someone of a different race to identify similarities that can possibly make a connection between us. Someone's gotta break the barrier ;p.

I'm an introvert and my first impressions aren't the best. This has caused me to be another person that belongs in the friend zone to most girls, or someone that they don't know at all.

[GuitarHailz]

To Davers, I think this was addressed earlier in the thread, but I know women aren't any more likely to be attracted to douche bags than men are to be attracted to "bitches" or mean/bad people in general. Other men fighting for that girl's affection only perceive those guys as douche bags because they ultimately got the girl.

Sometimes confidence is interpreted as douchebaggery. Sometimes the guy is actually a douche. Sometimes the girl just doesn't want a certain type of guy, period, and sometimes she doesn't know what she wants and makes poor judgments in general. Sometimes it's as simple as "we just aren't compatible" without any of the drama of "chivalry is dead", "nice guys finish last", and "women only like jerks". These are all possibilities but I don't know this girl or what really happened here. But if you generalize some women because of this one experience, you're gonna have a bad time. I personally have no idea what would be attractive about a guy who mostly ignores me, but I would guess she has some issues she needs to work out before pursuing a serious relationship to begin with. And really, would you want to be in a relationship with somebody who seems this flaky? Anyway, again, not your fault or any reason to be bitter.

I would guess that if you polled most adult women a majority would say that they favor genuinely nice guys and chivalry and all that. So when people think that chivalry is dead or that women are at fault it's just downright false. There are tons and tons of nice, smart, reasonable women out there. I can't promise they're all "hotties" but hey, your priorities start to change the older you get.
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[GuitarHailz]

To Davers, I think this was addressed earlier in the thread, but I know women aren't any more likely to be attracted to douche bags than men are to be attracted to "bitches" or mean/bad people in general. Other men fighting for that girl's affection only perceive those guys as douche bags because they ultimately got the girl.

Sometimes confidence is interpreted as douchebaggery. Sometimes the guy is actually a douche. Sometimes the girl just doesn't want a certain type of guy, period, and sometimes she doesn't know what she wants and makes poor judgments in general. Sometimes it's as simple as "we just aren't compatible" without any of the drama of "chivalry is dead", "nice guys finish last", and "women only like jerks". These are all possibilities but I don't know this girl or what really happened here. But if you generalize some women because of this one experience, you're gonna have a bad time. I personally have no idea what would be attractive about a guy who mostly ignores me, but I would guess she has some issues she needs to work out before pursuing a serious relationship to begin with. And really, would you want to be in a relationship with somebody who seems this flaky? Anyway, again, not your fault or any reason to be bitter.

I would guess that if you polled most adult women a majority would say that they favor genuinely nice guys and chivalry and all that. So when people think that chivalry is dead or that women are at fault it's just downright false. There are tons and tons of nice, smart, reasonable women out there. I can't promise they're all "hotties" but hey, your priorities start to change the older you get.
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[TheLonging]

For all you guys sad and in despair of being stuck in the absolutely terrible and awful friend-zone, I present to you: Nice Guys of OKCupid. Hopefully you're not like these men.
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I wanna thank you for letting me be myself.

NavyCherub wrote:

AshleyWilis wrote: hi for me Its something different... It seems like Full sound full combo... I mean It show passion and determination for my guitar Smoke weed erryday.

[TheLonging]

For all you guys sad and in despair of being stuck in the absolutely terrible and awful friend-zone, I present to you: Nice Guys of OKCupid. Hopefully you're not like these men.
_________________

I wanna thank you for letting me be myself.

NavyCherub wrote:

AshleyWilis wrote: hi for me Its something different... It seems like Full sound full combo... I mean It show passion and determination for my guitar Smoke weed erryday.

[TheLonging]

[TheLonging]